Regrets
by lovelyja
Summary: There were very few things Sam Nicholls regretted in her life, being on the frontline she had to be quick thinking and make fast decisions, however the breakup between her Dylan Keogh was something she hadn't have dreamed would ever happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi:)**

**Just to let you know I will be updating as much as possible, and this is my first fic so be nice.**

**This fix will be mainly from Sam's POV unless I do put the odd different one in here and there.**

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Samantha Nicholls drank her morning coffee ready for the day of work ahead. Recently, she had returned from Afghanistan as an army medic, and had bought the first house she found; she moved out of her previous house as a result of her failed marriage.

There were very few things Sam regretted in her life, being on the frontline she had to be quick thinking and make fast decisions, however the breakup between her Dylan Keogh was something she hadn't have dreamed would ever happen. Sure, it wasn't a conventional marriage, with the age gap between them, but when you love someone so much, nothing should get in the way.

_Dylan was right, I am to blame. I should have fought for us, not against us._

__However, when life became too much for Sam, she escaped to Afghanistan; she would rather face other peoples demons than her own. Her and Dylan weren't officially divorced, but since Sam hadn't talked to Dylan properly since before her tour, it was unlikely her and Dylan were ever getting back together.

Sam left her house for her workplace, Holby City ED. Her place of work wasn't planned, but it just so happened to be the same place that Dr Dylan Keogh worked at too. Although they had worked together on a couple of difficult patient cases, they hadn't talked about their relationship with each other, both of them realising that their past was best left undiscovered for the rest of the ED team.

However, this is what Sam had originally thought, but as she reached the ED doors, she knew that they couldn't keep skirting around the subject any longer. They had to talk, whether the results be good or bad. Waving at her colleague Zoe Hanna, she opened the staff room door, only one person was in there. This was likely to be her only chance of the day, so she had to take it.

"Dylan." Sam started.

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**Sorry to leave it there:) I felt like I had to start a new chapter, Tell me what you think, if you liked it, if you hated it, if the chapter was long enough... Please Please Please review, Tom will be in this fix later on, for anyone who likes him:)**


	2. Chapter 2

Dylan froze for a second, then turned to face her.

"Um, yes Sam?" He only seemed mildly interested, as if she was merely talking about a patient.

"Dylan, we need to talk." Replied Sam, gesturing towards the overstuffed sofa that occupied the staffroom. Dylan moved towards it and sat down; Sam followed. Not knowing where to start, she opened her mouth, but shut it again, cursing in her head, as to why she didn't think this far ahead. Dylan raised his eyebrows at her, exasperated.

"Yes?" he inquired.

"I wanted to know where we're at, Dyl. I know it's my fault that we broke up, I ran away to Afghanistan, and, well, I wanted to say I'm sorry." She stopped rambling and looked up from the floor, biting her lip, not knowing what his response would be.

"Right. Let me get this straight. You ran away from me, from us, from our marriage for six months and expect it all to be okay by just saying you're sorry. No, as soon as you made your decision there was no turning back." Dylan abruptly stood up and left the room, leaving Sam on her own. A single tear rolled down her cheek, soon followed by many more. She made no effort to stop their flow; She'd made her bed, now she'd have to lie in it.

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Ten minutes later Sam left the staffroom in her scrubs and made for the toilets to get rid of any signs that she had been crying, however she didn't make it very far before she was noticed by her colleague Tom Kent.

"Hey Sam, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Hi Tom, it's fine, it's nothing, I'd better get to work anyway." Sam made to walk off, but Tom grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"No, if something has made you upset it's definitely not fine." Sam knew that he was just trying to be a concerned friend, but she carried too much baggage to be any good company.

_I have to deal with the mistakes I've made, not Tom._

_"_Don't worry, it's fine, it's the patients we should be worrying about!" She joked half-heartedly, smiling. Sam was pretty sure that Tom saw straight through her, but she was glad he didn't push the subject.

"We'd better get started then." He smiled at her, then headed off to cubicles. Sam Sighed and ran her hands through her hair, this was going to be a long day.

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At the end of the day, Sam was glad that she could go home and relax. Entering the staffroom, she got out the key to her locker and retrieved her clothes. As she was about to start getting changed she heard the door open and then close behind her. Turning, she inwardly sighed as she saw Dylan standing by the door, not sure if he should leave the room or not.

"Can we talk-" Sam started, but was quickly cut off.

"There's nothing to talk about Samantha." He replied coldly.

"Dylan!" Sam raised her voice. "Listen to me! After seeing what I saw in Afghanistan I realised what I really truly wanted. I saved many lives out there, but there were many I didn't. They didn't get a second chance at life, but I did, so please believe me when I say I really regret what I did." Her voice dropped to a whisper as tears rolled down her face for a second time that day. "I'm sorry."

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**Thanks for the reviews, they really made my day!**

**I might be changing the rating for future chapters, but not too drastically. **

**I'll update as soon as!x**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter has been updated, as I didn't think I had done it justice, so let me know what you think.**

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Sam entered her home with a heavy heart and dumped her shoes and bag on the floor. Half upset and half angry at herself, she slumped onto the sofa. Once again, tears that were threatening to fall all the way home made tracks down her cheeks. It was very rare for Sam to cry, however she could hardly say this anymore. She couldn't stem the tears as the building blocks that were her life fell around her.

Going into the kitchen, she retrieved a mug from the cupboard and turned on the kettle. Frustrated thoughts danced around inside her head as she waited for the kettle to boil. _How come as soon as things turn perfect I have to go and ruin them?_ There and then she truly believed she was incapable of happiness. Anger at herself overwhelmed her and she slammed her fist onto the marble worktop.

Sitting on the sofa once again, she held her tea between both hands and tried to calm herself down. Last time she'd gotten this upset she did something stupid, and still had a scar along her lower arm to prove it. Taking a deep breath to calm herself she massaged the bridge of her nose. After setting down her mug on the coffee table she climbed the staircase to take a long, hot bath. It didn't take long for it to run, and soon she was sitting in the vanilla fragranced waters.

Trying to relax, Sam closed her eyes, but all she could think of was how much she'd let her Dylan down.

"Urghhh!" She splashed her hands in the water.

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When the water began to get cold Sam wrung her hair out into the water and stood up in the bath. _Crap._ She'd left her towel on the radiator, too far away from the bath. Sam reached forwards, trying to grasp it, but she missed and slipped. She tumbled down to the ground. She scrabbled at the side of the bath as she fell, but her wet hands gave her no grip so she held them in front of her to try and break her fall.

_Double crap. _Sam laid on the tiled floor, motionless for a second as what had just happened settled in. Her caramel mane of hair was fanned around her on the floor. Groaning, she rolled off of her side onto her back. The bathroom light suddenly seemed much too bright as she squinted in its white glare. Sam tried to push herself up into sitting position with her hands, but winced and cursed loudly as her right wrist twanged in pain.

This time, nursing her right arm, she sat up and shuffled so her back was leaning against the bath. The side of Sam's head began to throb - she must have it it pretty hard on the floor.

Sam's pile of clothing wasn't far away and her mobile phone was set on top of it. Inching herself sideways, she reached out for her phone and dialled the first person that came to mind. It rang for a second before a familiar voice answered, much to the relief of Sam.

"Hello?"

"Tom. It's me, Sam" Tom obviously heard her voice hitch as another bout of pain washed over her head.

"What's up?" He sounded concerned.

"I'm at home; something happened, would you mind coming and getting me?" Her breathing was now getting quicker as she tried to control the pain.

"I'll be there as soon as possible, don't worry Sam." He hung up quickly and Sam hoped he wouldn't be long.

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The doorbell rang out, reverberating around the house.

"It's open!" Sam shouted with as much volume as she could muster. "I'm upstairs!" Sam didn't usually take kindly to help, but as she heard familiar footsteps echoing up the stairwell she was glad that she'd chosen to let it in.

"Sam?" Tom's head poked around the door, and then the rest of him emerged. By this time Sam had grabbed a towel, covered herself with it, and was now back leaning against the bath again.

"What happened?" Tom looked downright worried now, and Sam was quite grateful that he cared - not that she'd tell him.

"It doesn't matter, but I think my head wound needs stitching. Can you help me into something a little more decent?"

After a couple of painful minutes where Tom eased her clothing on, Tom lifted Sam up bridal style to take her to his car, much to the disagreement from Sam. However after Tom set her on the ground and she began to feel dizzy she clung onto his shoulder. This proved too much for Tom and he lifted her up again, then gently placed her in the passenger seat before buckling her in. The drive to the ED was tense, as Sam felt extremely awkward about the whole thing.

* * *

Tom helped her out of the car and was about to pick her up again until he received a death glare from Sam, so he settled with putting her arm around his neck and supporting her as they slowly made their way to reception.

"Noel could you book Sam in please?" Looking surprised at who Tom had bought in he did it anyway, and Tom lead Sam through to a bed in cubicles.

"Really Sam, what happened?" Tom looked concerned - again. Sam sighed.

"It's nothing, it's fine, I just slipped." She replied truthfully.

"It doesn't look fine, Sam. Let me have a look." First of all he took her right hand, which she was nursing, and gave it a good looking over until he was satisfied. Then he took some sterile cotton wool, and dabbed the blood from the gash on her right temple, then sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I think your wrist is sprained, but I will send you for an X-ray just to be on the safe side, and your head will need stitches. You should be more careful, Sam." He added sympathetically.

"Great," Sam huffed. "Just what I needed." She added sarcastically.

"Come on Sam, what happened? You can trust me" Tom pushed her for a reply, wanting the whole story.

"I was getting out of the bath, and I tried to get a towel, but it was too far away and I..." She paused to grab a bowl and vomited into it. Tom put it into the chemical waste bin before sitting down on the bed again.

"Sam, you need to stay the night, you have concussion, and I need to stitch your head wound." Tom spoke kindly, yet firmly. Sam put her hand up to her head and groaned.

"I am a doctor too you know." She mumbled. Tom smiled at her, amused. He then stitched up the gash on her head.

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"I'll leave you to get some rest while I get your X-ray sorted."

Sam mumbled in response before grabbing his hand, while he made to walk away.

"Thanks, Tom."

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**Don't ask why I always feel the need to end chapters on a little sentence from Sam, maybe I should make it my thing?:) **

**This chapter is a little longer for you, and I might update again tonight if I'm feeling kind because I'm out all day tomorrow. x**


	4. Chapter 4

Sam slowly felt herself waking up, first of all she knew she wasn't at home, but then she realised that she was in the ED. After waiting for her eyes to adjust she looked towards the curtain, which was a little bit open. Dylan. He was looking at her for a split second, then he was gone. The local anaesthetic that was on her head wound had long since worn off and she felt a dull, aching throb.

"Tom." she called as she saw him through the curtain. "When can I go home?" After picking up her file and skimming through what was written, he replied.

"Your OBS seen fine, but we need to X-ray your hand." He called a nurse over, then wheeled her towards X-ray.

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Sam looked down at the bandage Tom had placed on her wrist. It wasn't broken, but she couldn't work for the rest of the week. _Now what am I going to do? _She was now at home, but the only thing that had kept her going recently was work; she had nothing else to live for. Mentally frustrated, she turned on the television and laid down on the sofa, however she soon fell asleep.

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**** Knock knock ****

****Sam's eyes fluttered open and checked her watch. She'd slept throughout the entire day. Slowly getting up, Sam wandered towards the door, and opened it, wincing as she caught her stitches while trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

"Hi Sam." It was Tom, and her other colleague, Zoe Hanna.

"How did you get my address?" Sam asked suspiciously. Tom and Zoe smiled.

"Nice to see you too. We just wanted to check you were okay?" Zoe asked softly.

"Yes I'm fine. Do you want a cup of tea?" Sam knew she had to be polite, no matter how much she didn't want to be disturbed.

"Mmmm... Yes please!" Tom replied almost too enthusiastically.

Sam was making tea in the kitchen while Zoe and Tom sat in her living room. They were obviously surprised at the lack of personal items inside the house, but one Sam had explained to them that she'd only recently returned from the army, they seemed content, however this wasn't exactly the reason. Sam had no pictures of family apart from one picture of her and Dylan on their wedding day in the bedside table in her room - _Well he used to be family anyway. _Sam thought glumly.

Zoe and Tom sat in an awkward silence while Sam thought about her days before the army. After the wedding Dylan wasn't the holiday in spain type of person so they didn't have a honeymoon. Soon enough Sam was thinking of all the good times her and Dylan had shared. There was a time where they walked Dervla in the countryside, but there was a sudden downpour and they all got drenched. Sam smiled sadly. However this didn't last long as her thoughts wandered to some of the less good times they had shared. Like the times where Dylan often had one drink too many, and something usually ended up broken, however that wasn't Dylan's fault.

The last argument they'd shared was the worst though, right before Sam was deployed. She walked out that night with all of her things for the army, and didn't return until after the tour. Sam had just assumed their marriage was over - and assumed right.

Although Sam didn't realise that silent tears were running down her face, Zoe and Tom did and immediately brought her own little world.

"Sam what's wrong?" They both asked her.

"Just regrets."

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**Okay, so I did update again:)**

**I apologise if Sam is a little OOC, and if you have an idea of what I can do next review or PM me, because it would be appreciated, Thanks x**


	5. Chapter 5

**I know the last chapter was a little fluffy, but I had serious writers block going on, so please give me some ideas, because I have a vague idea where this story id going, but I don't know from one chapter to the next. Just to save confusion, the stuff in italics are Sam's thoughts:)**

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****Sam had now been off of work for 3 days, and she wasn't handling it well.

_If I have to watch anymore daytime television I swear I'm going to strangle myself with the power cable._

__It wasn't a sunny day outside, but it wasn't raining, and lets face it, in Britain, that's quite an achievement. Because of the rare opportunity of not getting rained upon, Sam decided to go for a walk to clear her head of any thoughts that had been circling around her mind about daytime television. Stepping outside, she locked the front door before turning around and walked down the front path. She had barely even stepped out of her front garden before seeing someone standing and watching her, on the opposite side of the street.

"Are you watching me Dylan?!" She screeched at her ex-husband.

_He has no right to invade my privacy! _

_"Sam, _I only wanted to see if you were-" She cut him off, not wanting to hear anymore. Sam's voice dropped to an angry whisper.

"I tried to make up for what I did, Dylan Keogh, but you couldn't- no, wouldn't- accept that. Now, you're watching my house like some kind of stalker!" Sam knew she shouldn't have said that, no matter how true it was, she could still see the hurt written all over his face. It was now Dylan's turn to speak.

"Okay, fine, Samantha. I wanted to to see how you are, and tell you I forgive you, but you just threw that back in my face like you did everything else. Whatever. If you don't want to talk to me then fine. I'm leaving." He strode off purposely with Dervla looking behind at Sam. Recognition was on her face, but she was loyal to Dylan.

Sam stood motionless, staring at the same spot on the floor, where Dylan was moments ago. She slowly turned on the spot and made her way back to her house. _House, not home. Home is where the heart is, and my heart certainly is not here._

__Finally coming to terms with what had just happened, Sam slammed the door shut. _Not again! Things could have been going well again, but no, Samantha Nicholls has to ruin everything that comes her way. _As always, Sam tried to calm herself with a cup of tea, but when she opened the cutlery draw, instead of getting a spoon for her sugar, she reached for something else. Grasping it in her good hand, she watched as it made a crimson trail of blood, accompanying the scar on her left forearm. As droplets of her own blood splashed on the tiled kitchen floor her mind clicked onto what she had just done. The knife clattered to the floor.

_What have I done?_

__Shaking, she walked back into the living room and sat on the cheap sofa. Since she moved out of her house with Dylan she had to buy all new furniture. _Dylan. _

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__Sam still hadn't moved from her spot on the sofa. She didn't know how long, she had been lost in her own mind.

****Knock knock****

Not intending on answering the door, Sam stayed put.

****Knock Knock****

****This time she moved; only so she could tell them to leave.

"What-" Sam stopped mid-sentence. The person at the door looked down at her arm. Sam looked down at her arm too. _Crap. _A little blood was still coming out of the wound. It was all over her arm, and instantly the person at the door knew what had happened. Trying to get out of it, Sam said. "It's not what it looks like..."

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**And that is where I leave it my friends:)**

**Who do you think is at the door?**

**After writing this chapter I think I know where i'm going... sort of.**

**Reviews would be nice, I've changed the setting so that guest reviews do pop up now too.**

**Lots of people have messaged me, some saying they want her to end up with Dylan, and some with Tom. To be honest I'm not quite sure yet who she is going to end up with, but when the time comes to make the decision I might ask for a vote, just to please you;)**

**I might update again tonight, not sure though.**


	6. Chapter 6

"Sam?"

"Tom, it really isn't what it looks like, I cut it on some glass." _Close enough._ Tom took her arm and checked over the wound.

"That is definitely not a glass cut." He guided her by the waist to the sofa. "Do you have a first aid kit?"

"In the bathroom cupboard." Sam had managed to keep quite a lot of medical kit from her tour. Tom walked back in again and put a gauze on the wound and told her to keep pressure on it. Sam didn't protest, she didn't feel the need to anymore.

Tom dressed the wound then covered the dressing with a bandage, while Sam had been drawn back into the argument with Dylan. She began absentmindedly picking at the stitches on her temple from her run in with the bathroom floor the other day. Sam didn't realised she had almost reopened her wound, or that she was infact picking at her stitches until Tom firmly took hold of her arm and held it away from her so she couldn't injure herself further.

"Sam, you need to stop trying to cause yourself pain, it won't make anything better." As soon as this was said, Sam glared at him.

"I'm not trying to cause myself harm." She was as determined as always, no matter how much Tom could see she still tried to hide it from him.

"Listen to me, I've seen it so many times before." Tom started. "Now tell me what is bothering you so much that you need pain to take it away." Her shoulders started shaking as her body was wracked with sobs. All Tom could do was comfort her until she was finished. Instead of a strong, determined woman Tom could only see a scared, lonely woman that needed some company.

Telling Sam he would be back in a minute he went to her kitchen with the aim of making her some hot tea, however he stopped short when he saw a knife on the floor covered in dried blood, and a couple of drips of blood here and there.

"Oh Sam," He sighed to himself. "Why can't you just tell me so I can help."

Before making the tea, Tom tidied up her kitchen so she wouldn't upset herself all over again at the sight of it.

Tom walked back into her living room with two mugs of tea. Sam was still sitting on the sofa with the frightened face of a little girl. Sitting down beside her, Tom gave her the tea and took a sip of his own.

"Talk to me Sam. What happened?" He questioned. Sam replied with an emotionally drained look.

"It's a long story."

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**I'm sorry I drew this chapter short, I felt the next part needed to be a chapter of it's own. **

**Cookies to you if you guessed Tom:)**

**If you liked it tell me, If you didn't like it tell me, then I can keep doing what you like and change what you don't like, oh and if you do, you'll get quicker updates - so you'd better:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so tired today that all I can pretty much do is lift my fingers, so lucky for you, typing is one of the only interesting things to do:)**

**I felt you deserved a chapter that was well thought out and not written as I went along, so I hope I do it justice. **

**And before anyone ditches me as an author for whoever I might choose her to be with in the future, please don't, because for whoever doesn't end up with her, I will write another fix where they do:)**

**Enough rambling, on with the story.**

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Fortunately for Sam, Tom had let her clean up first, so while she turned on the shower she wondered whether she was doing the right thing by telling him. On one hand she now considered him a friend, and he wanted to look for her, but on the other hand she shouldn't weigh him down with all of her problems.

Getting in the shower, Sam looked around until finally realising that when Tom had gone to the toilet before she had her shower, he had removed her razor. Quite thankful, yet slightly miffed that he couldn't trust her _- With good reason - _Sam began trying to get the blood off of her arm, while trying to preserve the dressing, gave up and decided that they could be replaced.

Sam froze. There was a noise. Outside the door. Still not relaxing as she realised it was most likely Tom, she moved as far away from the bathroom door as possible, towards the tiled shower wall. Sam had an irrational fear of noises she couldn't see, and even though many came with a good explanation, the stories of her past showed that they weren't always harmless.

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**2008**

****Sam was having a morning wash at the sink, trying to wake herself up a bit. Dylan had gone to the bar last night with some colleagues, and Sam hadn't seen him since. She wouldn't like to admit it, but she was worried. If something came up Dylan would always call, and he would never have more than two pints. Hearing a small sound that could be her husband returning, Sam rushed out of the bathroom. He wasn't in the living room, but she heard a smash from the kitchen and ran in, thinking that he'd hurt himself. Unfortunately this wasn't the case. It seemed that in Dylan's drunken stupor, he had forcefully smashed a coffee cup on the opposite wall.

Terrified at her husband's behaviour, but still concerned for him, she approached him slowly, trying to gauge what his reaction would be. It seemed to be the wrong course of action as he muttered.

"Stay away from me, Samantha."

"Dylan?"

"I said stay away!" Angry, he attempted to throw another mug at the wall, but his uncoordinated body threw it in another direction, skimming his wife on the shoulder, before dropping and smashing to the floor around her.

"What have I done?"

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**2012**

****Sam looked down at the barely visible scar that ran along her right foot, from the events of that day, and sighed. This, among many things, was the cause of her irrational fears. She couldn't even sleep without the light on, for she felt the need to be able to see everything while she was in bed. Lying down without her sight made her feel vulnerable, and Samantha Nicholls didn't do vulnerable. Dylan never really understood her fears, as they were almost childlike, but he didn't ask any questions, feeling that Sam would tell him if it was important.

Getting out of the shower, Sam was a little more careful this time, and not bothering to dry herself off, she dressed in an ill-fitting t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms before making her way into the living room her bedraggled, wet hair fell limp down her back.

"You must be freezing." Tom stated, while getting up to guide her back to the sofa, before pulling the throw over her to warm her up. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, Sam still debating whether he could be trusted or not. Finally satisfied that he could, she rested her head on his shoulder. Tom half smiled to himself. It was a little thing, but with closed up Sam, it was a big step. Sam finally looked ready to tell Tom her story.

"Tom?"

"Yes?"

"Theres something I need to tell you first." Sam said this while looking at her lap, fiddling with a loose tread on Tom's shirt. She looked up at him, and he gave her an encouraging smile as if to say 'Go on'.

"I'm married." Tom looked surprised at this. "But before you say anything, we're separated...and you know him." Looking confused for a second, Tom answered.

"Who is it?" Sam answered simply.

"Dylan." Although he was surprised to say the least, he didn't want to push the subject, especially when Sam had began to open up.

Feeling relieved that this was now in the open, Sam opened up, telling Tom all about their argument and how she'd left for Afghanistan.

"Sam, listen to me." She looked up at him, not knowing what his reaction would be to all this new information. "You aren't to blame. Even though you went to Afghan, you didn't cause the argument, and your misunderstanding earlier - that's all it was - a misunderstanding. You need to stop punishing yourself over this. I can see you're frightened of someth-"

"I'm not frightened." Sam butted in, with steely determination.

"You can say you're not frightened as much as you like, but your body can't. Your pupils are dilated, it's part of the human fight or flight technique." Sam humphed under her breath, annoyed, but not at Tom, because she knew he was right.

"Here." Tom pulled her into a hug before switching to professional mode. "I'm sorry Sam, but you really do need to speak to someone."

"No."

"Listen to me first, if you do, I won't feel the need to let Mr Jordan know, because it is being handled, but if it isn't, you know what I will have to do." Sam knew she was being backed into a corner. Tom carried on "And, maybe you would like to go for a drink sometime?"

"Tom, I don't think thats a good-"

"As friends. I'm not going to push you. Just speak to someone, please?"

"Okay."

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**That long enough?:) **

**I'm not too sure about this, but I spent a lot of time on it and just decided to post it anyway.**

**I used to think any chapters less than 1000 words were short, but after writing some of my own, I do appreciate how difficult it is. Until next time.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Just a little forewarning of the language in this chapter, and thanks for the reviews:)**

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Sam had now fully recovered from her argument with the bathroom floor last week and was due for her first day back at work. Although she was partly dreading it because she would have to speak to Dylan at some point in the day, she was also looking forwards to it because her and Tom had agreed on those drinks tonight.

The first part of her shift went by quite quickly, and Sam was happy to get back into the swing of things. Because it was her first day back, Dr Nicholls was in cubicles so the work wouldn't be too demanding. Tess handed her the next patient file. Sam walked into the cubicle 5.

"Good morning, I'm Dr. Nicholls, but you can call me Sam." She started. "I see you have a laceration to the arm after a fall onto broken glass. Is there pain anywhere else?" The man shook his head but remained silent.

"Let me just stitch this wound, and then you can go home." She smiled kindly at him, but it wasn't returned and Sam frowned. "Sharp scratch." The man instantly pulled his hand away.

"No needles. Got that?" Sam took no notice and tried to talk him into it.

"Listen Mr Robson, the laceration to your arm needs to be stitched or it could get infected, and I assure you that's much worse than having the injection."

"I said no." Sam being Sam didn't want to let a patient get the better of her.

"Listen. I totally understand that needles can be scary, but-" Mr Robson stood up and although Sam had a fiery personality, this did not make a difference to the huge height advantage he had on her.

"No you listen to me!" Sam held her hands up, trying to keep the situation under control, but he instantly grabbed her wrists in his steely, vice-like grip. "I have no intention of being talked into something by a bitch like you. Understand?"

"Mr Robson, please calm down." Sam tried to calm him by talking, or at least getting his attention to wander for a couple of seconds until someone else saw the situation.

"I will not calm down." He began forcing her backwards until her back was against the wall.

"Mr Robson, please-" He pulled her away from the wall for a second, and slammed her back. Her head hit the wall and she now knew what patients meant when they said they could see stars.

"Shut up." He hissed under his breath.

"Sam?" _Thank goodness, _Sam almost cried with relief when she heard his voice. Almost. "Excuse me sir, I understand that you may feel upset or angry, but could you please let Dr Nicholls go?" Tom said calmly. "Call security." He said to Tess over his shoulder.

"No. No security." Mr Robson stated.

"Then I ask you kindly, once again, to let Sam go."

"Fine." He released his grip and she slid down the wall in a daze while security burst into the cubicle. Once Mr Robson was gone, only Sam and Tom were left in the cubicle, then Sam spoke.

"Tom?"

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**This doesn't really seem like a cliffhanger, but the next part of this scene will be posted in the next chapter. So have fun waiting, until next time. Adios**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry for not posting yesterday, I did get it written out but I didn't have access to my computer.**

**nearly 1000 views, but 24 reviews?! come on guys, you can do better than that! **

**Even if you don't like it review and tell me why so I can make it better!:)**

**BTW I have realised my excessive use of commas;)**

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****Sam began to panic; what had just happened was finally settling in. Her breathing became laboured and she scrabbled at her throat.

"Tom?!" Was all she could force out as her throat tightened and next to no air could get down it. She knew Tom was kneeled beside her trying to calm her down but none of the information from her eyes or ears was registering in her brain.

Mildly aware of her colleagues trying to get her attention at get her to breathe, all she could focus on was how unfocused the room was becoming as her lungs and brain craved oxygen.

A blurred object that looked familiarly like Tess moved towards her and put an oxygen mask on her face. Tess and Zoe shared concerned glances, as they had never seen this uncontrolled side to Sam before. Although Tom had experienced how vulnerable she had been, he never dreamed it would get to this level of intensity, where she couldn't even breathe on her own.

After a few minutes Sam was getting her breath back, and although it wasn't anywhere near back to normal, Tom and Zoe were confident that she could now be moved, and gently lifted Sam and guided her to the bed. The world was still strangely out of focus to Sam; she could tell Tess and Tom were trying to communicate with her but her body was still in shock and she couldn't make out what they were saying.

After a while the room had stopped spinning, and happy that Sam's oxygen levels were high enough Zoe and Tess left the cubicle, however Tom was holding rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand as a comforting gesture. No matter how Sam didn't like to come across as vulnerable she found this oddly comforting and was glad for the company.

"Did he hurt you Sam?" Tom was worried; she tried to answer but the words 'I'm fine would be deemed inappropriate in this situation as she was quite obviously not. Instead she answered with a nod of the head as she lifted her own hand and her gaze shifted to the slight bruising already forming around her wrists.

"Is there anywhere else?" Tom asked, after looking shocked at her wrists. Sam slowly pulled the oxygen mask off of her face - she still felt quite weak - and answered quietly, although Tom could still make it out.

"My head." She lifted her hand to the back of her head, but after checking it for blood (There wasn't any) she decided it would just be a little bruised and she'd have a headache, although she was sure Tom would like to check it out for himself.

* * *

Sam awoke from a very disturbed sleep. This wasn't because of any physical pain she was in, but recent events added to the aftermath of the situation she was recently in hadn't done much for Sam's peace at mind, and because her colleagues had tried to be helpful and considerate by moving her to a private room, this worsened Sam's ordeal as the ED was very busy and she could hear every footstep, crash and shout from outside the door, and she was terrified of sounds she couldn't see the cause of. Sam was startled and almost jumped out of the bed when the door handle moved, but it seemed it was only Tom wanting to have a word with her. However, this appeared to shock Sam herself at how jumpy she was being; she obviously wasn't this bad in the army under the gunfire, but it seemed to have gotten worse post recent events.

"Sam could I have a word?" Tom asked politely and quietly, knowing she would have a headache. After she nodded weakly he good a seat at her bedside and she sat up, but after the dizziness this caused, Tom hastily pushed her back down again.

"I'm not staying overnight." Sam stated before Tom could say a word, believing this was what he was getting at.

"That's good then because I'm happy for you to be discharged." Tom then smiled. "As long as you are happy to stay with me for a couple of days."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that would be appropri-"

"Just as friends."

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**Ooooh i switched it up - Tom said the last line this time;)**

**Let me know what you think, reviews really do make my week and motivate me to write.**

**Thanks for reading!x**


	10. Chapter 10

**I recently found out that I can update on my phone, so I might be updating a bit quicker, but it depends on how quickly I can come up with the story line. I have the basic thing covered, but not chapter to chapter. **

**Thanks for the reviews! Especially Clouted Cankerblossom! x**

* * *

****Not sure if she should be annoyed or thankful, Sam sat in the passenger seat of Tom's car as he drove them both to his house. Sam wasn't planning on staying long; she didn't want to impose on him, but she was thankful that she would have some form of company in the next week or so, however she wasn't sure what type of company.

By this time Tom had a brief understanding of what Sam was feeling. Looking back to a couple of days ago in Sam's flat, he didn't realise how serious the situation was, but now he did.

After pulling into his reserved parking spot, Tom got out of his car before walking around the bonnet to the passenger door and opening it for Sam to get out - who hadn't even realised the vehicle had stopped moving. Sam shakily unclipped the seatbelt, before sidestepping out of the car, not really knowing what to expect, while Tom retrieved her holdall from the boot. Slinging Sam's bag over his shoulder, Tom took his keys out of his pocket and walked up the front path, with Sam following behind, looking a little lost.

Once they were inside, Sam was pleasantly surprised at how modern and stylish the furniture was for a male living on his own. It seemed that Tom noticed her surprise when he said.

"I let an interior designer go wild on this place - I didn't really know what to do with it." Sam smiled at this comment, which Tom was pleased about as this was a rare occurrence. Tom placed her bag on the floor next to the front door and kicked off his shoes messily.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" Tom smiled at Sam.

"Yes please, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't. Milk and one sugar, am I right?" Tom guessed. Sam nodded, smiling to herself.

"You chose a CD to put on and I'll get the tea."

Sam browsed Tom's extensive CD collection, before finally settling on The Arctic Monkeys. Tom returned to the living room with two tea's and saw Sam standing up awkwardly, not sure what to do with herself. He placed the tea on the coffee table.

"Feel free to sit." Tom gestured to one of the sofas. Sam sat down on the cream leather one and reached for her tea. When she picked it up her hand shook under the pressure as it was still bruised and was quite painful. Toms reached into his pocket and pulled out her prescription of painkillers and gave it to her, while Sam muttered an embarrassed thanks while looking down. Popping two pills out of the packet, she drank them with her tea.

* * *

Tom woke up, he could have sworn he heard a noise. He was sleeping on the sofa while Sam slept in his bed, although Sam offered to sleep on the sofa instead. The noise was coming from upstairs. Worried about Sam, he ran up the stairs and into his room. The light was on and he could see Sam asleep, but she was sweating and moving about.

"No...No!" Sam shouted in her sleep. _She must be having a nightmare_ Tom thought. Kneeling in the edge of the double bed, Tom shook Sam's shoulder slightly, before shaking it a bit rougher until she woke up startled and shot out of bed to the other side of the room, not realising it was Tom.

"Woah Sam it's okay, it's only me." Tom felt slightly guilty at causing her this stress, but he knew she had to be woken up. Sam's shoulders relaxed a little from their tense position and Tom rounded the bed before giving Sam a comforting hug and she buried her head in his chest, muffling a sob.

"It's okay Sam, it was just a bad dream." Sam's breathing slowed down to it's normal pace and Tom guided her to the bed once again. He pulled back the duvet and Sam slid in.

"Would you like the light on?" Sam nodded weakly. Tom made to walk out of the room to go back to sleep, but Sam stopped him.

"Stay with me." Tom turned on the spot, and nodded sympathetically then climbed under the sheets. He pulled Sam close, happy that he was getting somewhere with her, while she wrapped one arm around his waist and rested her head on his chest.

Sam felt at peace for the first time in a while and dropped off into a restful sleep. Tom laid awake for a while, thinking over what Sam had been through recently and wondering how much more she could take. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Night Sam."

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**I'm not quite sure if this is fluff or not, but we'll have to see where the next chapter takes us. **

**Keep up the reviews guys! Feel free to PM me any ideas you have for this story, as they would be much appreciated. x**


	11. Chapter 11

**just letting you know that this update is on my phone so excuse any mistakes:) I'm seriously overwhelmed with the amount of positive feedback on the last two chapters, thanks so much!**

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Dylans POV- Today I'm working in cubicles which I find extremely dull. This isn't emergency medicine, it's sit and wait for two hours and then be treated medicine. As I shuffle through all of the files and pointless paperwork I come across Samantha's patient file. Why is this here? I open it up nosily and see that she has been admitted to the ED twice in the last two weeks.

This information puzzles me, as when we were married she never admitted to being unwell or hurt, never mind going to the hospital! As I delve further into the information I find that she had a panic attack after being attacked by a patient. This I find even more puzzling because this doesn't sound like Samantha at all. She isn't fazed by anything-or at least she didn't use to be.

* * *

Sam and Toms POV once again -

Tom woke up and looked across at his alarm clock. He had slept in a lot later than usual, but it didn't matter as thankfully he was off duty today so he could keep an eye on Sam. She was looking a lot more relaxed than she was last night. Tom wanted to know what she had been dreaming about, but that could wait until later.

Tom stroked Sam's hair out of her face as she began stirring in her sleep. Rolling over from her comfortable position, Sam opened one eye and then the other, squinting at the brightness of the room. Confuse

d for a second, Sam frowned before remembering the nights events, before blushing slightly.

"Im sorry about last night." Sam said whilst looking ashamed.

"Sam, theres nothing to be sorry for. Theres nothing wrong with being scared."

"I wasn't sca-" She started, but stopped abruptly after looking at the look on Tom's face. Sitting up slowly and atretching out his arms, he spoke.

"Breakfast?"

* * *

**Just a little update there:)**

**I know that lots of you are favouring sam/dylan (not all of you, mind) but if you look back at the episodes of the current series you have to admit that sam and tom are cute together right? That has to be the main cause of thic fic-to understand the background of sam's relationships with people (not romantic, not some, anyway). However, this does seen to be turning into a Sam /Tom fanfic, but I can assure you that I will be doing a Sam/Dylan if it does. (NOT SAYING IF IT WILL BE SAM/TOM YET THOUGH, DYLAN COULD SWOOP IN AT ANY MOMENT!) just to clea that up for you guys:)**

**did anyone watch holby city tonight? am i then only person feeling really sprry for lilah over this whole thing with ric? because veryone else seems to be hating on her lol x**

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	12. Chapter 12

**I did update chapter three, just to let you know, so you should go take a look. It's definitely a lot longer now and the stuff in it seems a bit more realistic. **

**Sorry, there is a lot of dialogue in this one.**

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****Sitting eating fry up on the sofa sitting next to Tom, Sam could definitely say that this is one of the most relaxed situations she's been in for a while. They were sitting in silence, but it wasn't awkward, it was a comfortable silence. They were watching Total Wipeout USA, but neither of them were really watching it.

Once they had both finished their very nutritious (Not!) meal, Tom spoke, extinguishing the silence.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine." Sam answered simply.

"No headache or anything?" Tom wondered.

"Nope." Sam head was actually throbbing, she just didn't like to admit it.

"Sam?" Tom asked sternly this time, knowing that she wasn't telling the truth.

"Okay, okay, I have a bit of a headache." Tom raised an eyebrow.

"Just a bit?" he asked, smiling.

"Okay fine." Sam groaned. "My head is throbbing." She rested her head back on the sofa and squeezed her eyes shut. Tom was openly grinning now.

"Do you want any of your medication?" His tone was light and amused.

"Yeah." Sam's wasn't.

"If you really want it you'll have to ask properly." She opened one eye and raised her eyebrow at him.

"Fine." She huffed dramatically. "Please Tom, will you help me and give me my meds? My head is pounding so much I could collapse any second." Just to make sure her point got across she mocked a faint and landed across Tom's lap and peeked through her eyelashes at him. Tom chuckled.

"Since you asked so nicely." He lifted Sam up and stood up, before turning around and plonking her back on the sofa.

"Hey!" Sam giggled. Tom left the room and retrieved them from the kitchen cupboard. When he returned Sam was fully recovered from her collapse and was sitting up on the sofa and sipping tea.

"Here you go." He announced, handing them to her.

"Why thank you!" She smiled at him, before popping two out and downing them with her tea. They were silent for a second before Tom spoke, now sounding serious.

"I think it's time to change the dressing on your wrist, Sam." He spoke quietly and calmly.

"It's fine Tom, it doesn't need changing."

"Well, you could either let me do it, or we could take you to the ED and someone there could do it, and I'm pretty sure they would want to know how you did it." Defeated, Sam knew she had to let Tom have a look.

"Fine." She didn't sound too pleased, but Tom was happy that at least she was letting him have a look. After going upstairs and getting things like gauze and bandages from the medicine cabinet, he sat down on the sofa and rolled up Sam's dressing gown sleeve. After unravelling the bandage that was covering the previous dressing he sighed. Sam looked up at him, realising that she had rolled her sleeve up a little too far and he had seen the scar from when Dylan had thrown the plate at her shoulder.

"Wha-" Tom started, obviously concerned.

"I'll tell you later, it's a long story." Sam replied, seemingly defeated because she knew she'd end up having to tell him whatever she did.

Tom carried on with his job and slowly lifted the gauze off of the wound. It seemed to be healing nicely, but there was quite a lot of blood on the gauze, so he replaced it with another one. When he put the it on her arm she hissed involuntarily.

"Painful?" Tom asked her softly. Sam nodded, so he was a little more careful when he wrapped the bandage around her arm.

"All done." He announced, smiling, the serious tone now gone.

"Thanks Tom." Sam smiled back. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she did appreciate all he'd done for her. Tom placed all the things he had been using on the coffee table. Sam, now feeling tired after her meds, snuggled up to Tom and put her arm around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Tom's smile widened, and he placed his arm around her.

"Soooo, What do you want to do today?"

* * *

**IDK who said the last sentence, you'll have to work it out;)**

**Yes yes, I understand that a lot of you won't appreciate the Sam and Tom-ness of this chapter, but in all fairness it is a 50/50 audience.**

**I have to say I quite enjoyed writing this chapter as I find both of them really cute together. Thanks for reading! x**


	13. Chapter 13

**Not too sure how many people liked the last chapter because I didn't get the usual amount of reviews, so read this chapter and click that review button like it's your job!**

**That is all:)**

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****Sam was stood in Tom's kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. Tom had offered to make the tea, but Sam felt bad enough for intruding on him as it is without him waiting on her hand and foot. Sam searched through the kitchen cupboards and drawers until she found all of the cutlery, in need of a spoon to mix in the sugar. Sam frowned upon looking at the cutlery, realising that Tom didn't have any cooking knives in there, before she mentally kicked herself. Of course Tom hid the knives! How could she be so stupid? He didn't ask her to stay with him because of her panic attack or injury, he just took pity because he thought she was going to cut herself again.

After fixing the tea Sam called out to Tom.

"Do you mind getting your tea, my wrist still hurts a little." She couldn't really forget her run in with the bathroom floor.

"Okie Dokie." Tom replied cheerfully as he walked through the kitchen doorway, oblivious to the revelation that Sam had only recently made. They both walked back through to the living room, Tom in front and Sam trailing behind. Both of them settled themselves on the sofa; Tom acting his usual playful self, but Sam was acting a little more subdued than before.

"Is anything the matter, Sam?" Tom wondered casually, not too sure whether he'd done anything wrong or not. Sam shook her head, her mouth turned down at the corners, while looking into her mug.

"Nope, nothings wrong." Sam answered quietly. Tom wasn't sure if this was the truth or not, but either way he wanted to try and make it up to her, anything to see that lovely smile of hers.

"Look, what do you say about renting a film tonight and getting a chinese?" Tom winked at her. Sam grinned, feeling a bit better about herself again.

"Sure, what kind of film were you thinking of?" Sam wasn't really up for any romanic films at the moment.

"Well, I haven't seen The Woman In Black yet, what about that?" Tom pondered.

"Yeah, I've been dying to see it, I was on tour when it came out in the cinema." Sam wasn't usually one for watching horror films, however that was mainly because she'd have to watch it on her own. Before her and Dylan split up he was usually either on nightshift or at the bar with his friends.

"Great." Tom was pleased to cheer Sam up, or at least to have something to take her mind off of her worries.

* * *

It was about 8 O'clock when they put the film on because the chinese took a little more time to arrive than expected. They dimmed the lights, and Sam started to get a little spooked, however Tom sensed her discomfort as he did this and reassured her.

"Don't worry, I'm right here next to you." Sam nodded and smiled appreciatively, even though she was a little embarrassed. The opening credits began and they both started chomping through their take-out. Tom had some duck with egg fried rice and spring rolls on the side, while Sam just had a small vegetable chow mein.

"Are you sure that's enough?" Tom asked her.

"Yeah I'm sure. Thanks, Tom" She glanced up at him.

"Don't worry about it." He replied.

Soon they had both finished their food and Sam snuggled up to Tom. The film was jumpy and she flinched, burying her head into Tom's shoulder. She could feel Tom moving as he chuckled.

"Tom it's not funny." She mumbled in annoyance into his shoulder.

"I don't know where you're looking at it from, cause it's pretty funny." Sam looked up and frowned at him. "Okay, okay! It's not funny!" Tom held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Thank you." She smiled before her eyes swept around the room. The television was causing all kinds of shadows to flash onto the walls. "Tom, could you turn the lights up a bit, please?" Her voice was quiet and small, and her eyes like that of a frightened child.

"Yeah, sure." Tom was quick to turn them back on, just realising that Sam also kept the bedroom light on when she slept. "Do you not like the dark?" Tom kept his tone casual, hoping that Sam wouldn't close up again.

"Not really, no." Sam answered, relived that she could now see everything in the room.

"Is there a reason why?"

"I'm not scared of the dark, I just don't like not knowing what's there. I feel safer being able to see everything around me - much less vulnerable."

Tom pondered this new insight to Sam's mind as they watched the rest of the film, wondering if this was the key thing to many of Sam's problems.


	14. Chapter 14

**Bonjour people, happy friday!:)**

**I haven't had many reviews recently, is this a cue that this fic should end soon? Let me know x**

**This isn't really a chapter, but I really don't know where this story is going anymore, so if you have any ideas it would be appreciated, or I may have to stop writing this story.**

**Thanks x**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks Minxheart + Guest for giving me the little boost of inspiration that I needed, it is much appreciated!:)**

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****Sam opened the staff room door with Tom following behind. She started work again today, and although the last couple of days at Tom's house were relaxing, she was glad to be back. Sam was already wearing a long sleeved top and she slipped her scrubs shirt on top as she didn't want anybody bar Tom to see the bandage on her arm.

Her first patient was a 14 year old girl who had fainted and hit her head on a table at school. Sam introduced herself as the girl had come to, and then began taking her OBS. The girl, called Isabelle, started to say something.

"I don't feel very we-" She stopped mid sentence and vomited all over Sam's arm. Tom saw what had happened and walked over.

"Sam, you go get yourself cleaned up and I'll take over here." Sam was grateful to Tom.

"Thanks." She replied quietly so Isabelle didn't hear.

Once Sam was in the staff room she took her scrub top off before realising that the top underneath had some vomit on too, so much to Sam's displeasure, she took that off too. Sam took her spare top out of her locker, but before she had a chance to put it on the staff room door opened, so she quickly covered up the bandage on her arm with it, hoping that whoever it was hadn't seen anything.

"Oh sorry! I didn't realise you were changing, I'll come back later." Zoe Hanna shut the door of the staff room again, wondering why Sam had what looked like a bandage on her arm. _That wasn't caused by the drunk man the other day, was it? _Shaking her head, Zoe stalked back to cubicles in her heels, promising herself she would keep an eye on Sam.

* * *

Later on that day, Sam arrived home. Since she was now back at work she decided that staying at her house instead of Tom's would be better as she had no need to stay there anymore. Life was once again stressful, Dylan and her had crossed paths again today, and Sam had tried to apologise, but he was having none of it. Sam didn't blame him though, she knew that they had began arguing again because of her actions, not his.

She began getting out a saucepan and a chopping board for her dinner. After getting some vegetables out from the fridge she reached to the knife rack and after taking the big one out she started to slice carrots into disks. This is what Sam enjoyed doing after a hard day, as she could take out her strong feelings on the veg instead of herself. Well, she used to do this when she was with Dylan anyway. Quietly chopping vegetables gave her time to mull over the days events and she began to feel the anger at herself growing inside her.

Sam saw red. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't think about what she was doing. As the sharp point of the knife grazed slowly and painfully across the flat skin of her stomach she felt the anger ebb away. It was replaced by an even throbbing on her stomach, but the simple beating of it calmed her slightly. This time however, she wasn't angry at what she had done. Understanding that although it helped she needed to clean it so it didn't get infected she went into the bathroom and wiped it over quickly with antiseptic wipes before using a plaster to hold down the gauze.

Although Sam knew that Tom would want to know what she'd done, she knew it was important that no one knew. Tom still wanted Sam to talk to someone about her troubles, but she wasn't sure how to approach talking to a stranger about her problems if she couldn't even tell her friends about it. Giving up on dinner and slumping in defeat, Sam walked into her bedroom and flopped down on the bed fully clothed. It had been a hard day and all she wanted to do was sleep...

* * *

**Sorry for scaring you all there... crisis aborted.**

**This story once again has liftooofffff... Too much? thought so.**

**I'll hopefully be updating tomorrow, but just to warn you that monday is the end of my holidays, so the updates may not be as frequent, but I don't really know until next week xx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Really really really sorry! Didn't mean to leave it this long, but school, homework and course work got in the way.**

**Just letting you know that I haven't disappeared off of the face of the earth.**

**Purple pancakes.**

**Sorry, eating rowntrees randoms. )**

* * *

****A few days had passed since Sam arrived home from Tom's after staying for the weekend. Feeling a bit guilty about not talking to anyone, she didn't talk to him apart from when she was discussing patients at work. Sam was currently in the staff room on her break, just about to make herself a coffee. Her colleague Zoe was also in there, rummaging around in her locker.

"Do you want a coffee?" Sam asked Zoe kindly - She had sort of sensed that the people she worked with had noticed something was up, so she put on her mask and tried to act like the norm.

"Yes please, thanks." Zoe flashed a smile at sam, grateful. The coffee mugs were in the cupboard over the sink, so not being the tallest person on the planet, Sam had to stretch up. As a result her scrub top shifted, revealing the dressing that covered the majority of Sam's stomach. Not realising what had just happened, Sam cocked her head to Zoe, who had just given an audible gasp.

"What?" Sam asked, her voice calm, but seemingly annoyed at the same time.

"Errm," Zoe started, "What happened to your stomach?" Sam's face slightly resembled a deer in the headlights as she self-consciously tugged her scrub top down. Although Sam had been caught red handed, she still played the innocent card.

"Nothing's happened." Despite her intentions, her voice had wavered slowly, and Zoe had already come to the conclusion as to what had happened.

"Sam." Zoe's voice was kindly, yet firm.

"I'm fine Zoe." Sam tried to push past Zoe and leave the staffroom, but Zoe grabbed the top of Sam's arm, stopping her. Sam slowly turned on the spot.

"Zoe," Sam's voice resembled the calm before the storm. "Let go of my arm. _Now._" Not wanting to be the cause of the mighty explosion bound to happen, Zoe took the soft approach. After sitting on the sofa, she patted the cushion next to her.

"Come and talk to me Sam." Reluctantly, Sam sat down next to Zoe despite the voice inside her head telling her to leave the room. "It doesn't matter if I am a colleague, I want you to know that I am here if you want to talk and whatever you do tell me will be in confidence." Zoe half smiled at Sam before patting Sam on the knee - A comforting gesture.

Slowly, Sam reached down and lifted her scrub top up, revealing the sizeable dressing. Zoe reached forwards before hesitating and looking at Sam.

"May I?" After a slow nod, Zoe proceeded to taking off the gauze. After peeling it back, Zoe gasped for the second time.

"Sam..." She shook her head sadly as it was quite obvious what had happened to Zoe's trained eye. "Why did you do it?"

After much looking at the floor from Sam, she looked up and met her colleagues gaze. Sam could see that look in her eye. Pity. Something else Sam didn't want or need - That's what she'd processed her mind to think anyway.

"It helps." Sam's reply was short, an Zoe had heard it all before.

"Does anyone else know?" She hoped that Sam hadn't been handling her burdens alone.

"Not about this one." Sam muttered, her gaze back at the floor again, while Zoe replaced the dressing and pulled down her scrub shirt, should anyone else walk into the staff room.

"There's more? Who knows?" These questions danced around Zoe's head.

"Only one. On my arm." Something clicked inside Zoe's head as she remembered last week in the staffroom. It was a bandage.

"Who Sam?" Zoe pressed on. Sighing, and knowing she couldn't get out of this one she shed a tear, Sam answered.

"Tom."

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**It isn't the longest, but I really believe that this is the most well written chapter I have posted so far.**

**Please review, I hope it was worth the wait.**

**x**


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry for not posting as often lately, but it seems that coursework has taken over my life. **

**I really should be doing it now, but I really wanted to update this weekend.**

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Zoe dumped her handbag on the polished wooden floor of her modern apartment and walked into the kitchen. Before doing anything else she grabbed a wine glass from the pile of dishes that she'd washed this morning and poured herself a glass of red. After turning on the TV she sank into the sofa and she let out an audible sigh as the days events washed over her being. Kicking off her expensive purple heels she put up her feet on the coffee table, then took a sip of her wine.

It seemed that a lot more went on in her colleagues lives than he thought possible, although Sam in particular worried her. Zoe had never seemed someone so able to compartmentalise her feeling so overcome with emotion. Even though it was Sam's personal life and Zoe didn't want to intrude she knew that if someone didn't encourage Sam to talk to someone her medical career at Holby City Hospital would be over. However much Zoe didn't want to fire Sam she knew that for the safety of the patients and infact the safety of Sam herself she might not have an option.

Zoe had talked to Tom before leaving her office at the end of the day. The male doctor had not wanted to reveal what Sam had told him to his boss, but after she had relayed the information she had gained from Sam in their short, but meaningful discussion, he opened up realising that it was important for Sam's welfare that Zoe knew as much as possible about the case. After finishing her wine she stood up with a sigh and went to bed without food. It had been a long day.

* * *

Sam was laying in bed. She was facing the ceiling and her eyes were open, but were glazed over as she wasn't looking at anything. Closing her eyes for a few seconds, she opened them and slowly turned her head towards her head towards the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table. 3.15AM. She silently willed time to go faster.

So much information was turning over in her head. It seemed that with each dull throb of pain from her headache banged against her skull, the information was trying with all it's might to get out of her head. Seemingly giving up at her failed attempt of a nights sleep she peeled back her duvet and slowly dragged her feet towards her en-suite. As she turned on the harsh bathroom light she shielded her eyes as the punning in her head sped up in tempo.

Sam paused in front of the mirror hanging above the sink she took in the stranger looking back at her. Their dead eyes were shadowed with black from lack of sleep and they seemed to look thinner than ever standing in only a vest and shorts. A shiver made it's way through her body and she shook her head trying to get rid of the constant pounding, but she stopped as it pained her even more. Sam brought her hands up to her head and rubbed her temples at an attempt to sooth it, but it didn't help.

At that she shuffled into the living room and settled for sitting on the sofa until dawn broke across the horizon. Intending to make her way into the bathroom she stood up, but since her headache hadn't subsided and she was running on no energy from lack of sleep and food she had to sit down again quite rapidly as the room began to spin. After sitting with her head in her hands until the spinning stopped she stood up once more - this time more slowly - and then made her way to the bathroom.

Sam stood in a cold shower at an attempt to make herself look as if she hadn't just returned from the walking dead, but all she succeeded at was causing goosebumps to cover the length of her body. Shutting off the water she stepped out of the shower and wrapped her body in a fluffy white towel before getting dressed. By this time she had to be at work in 10 minutes so she set off for the ED after grabbing a box of paracetamol and putting in in her handbag.

When Sam arrived at the ED it was unusually quiet and for that Sam was happy. She stalked to the staffroom in her usual manor and unlocked her locker. Quickly getting changed into scrubs so no one else would see her injuries she slammed the her locker shut just as Tom walked in. When she saw him she turned around and busied herself making coffee.

"Want one?" Sam asked Tom, an attempt at normality.

"Yeah thanks, Sam." Tom replied, not seeing that anything was unusual until he slammed his locker shut and Sam noticeably winced, her headache getting through her facade. A worried expression washed over Tom's features.

"Are you okay?" Tom asked, reaching up and placing his hand on her shoulder. Sam shrugged him off.

"Yeah." She replied almost as if she was on auto pilot. Sensing Tom's doubt she looked towards his and gave a half smile, however this didn't seem to convince Tom.

"Sam talk to me." Tom spoke sternly, trying not to show how frustrated he was at how closed up she was after years of building them up around her. Sam visibly snapped. She walked away suddenly and stopped in the middle of the room.

"I'm fine!" Tom knew she was angry, and was going to leave it at that, but just as Sam was about to carry on walking to the staffroom door she stopped in her tracks and Tom saw her waver on the spot.

"Sam?" Tom questioned. He tried to take her arm so she wouldn't fall, but she shrank away from the contact. "Sam, are you okay?" Tom asked more softly this time, noticing how pale and sunken her face was looking. This time, not feeling well enough to argue, Sam just answered.

"I just have a headache, I'll be fine in a while." She shook her head squeezed her eyes shut as one again the room began to spin uncontrollably and her vision began to blur. She held her arms out slightly, trying to regain some form of balance and composure, but as she wavered even more Tom grabbed her around the waist just as her legs buckled. As she could't stand in her current state he half led, half carried her over to the sofa and sat her down. Too wrapped up in her head, Sam didn't argue.

"Tell me what's wrong Sam." Tom said more forcefully now. He could see her arm shaking as she lifted it to wipe off the perspiration on her forehead. She fanned her face.

"It's really hot in here." Sam said, flustered.

"_Tell me_ Sam." She groaned, then covered her face with her hands.

"I'm really dizzy." Her eyes were darting around the room, not really looking at anything as she was really disorientated.

"Here." Tom pushed her head down so it rested on her knees, instructing her to breathe in and out slowly.

After a few minutes Sam sat up as the dizziness subsided. Seeing that at least she didn't look like she was going to pass out anymore Tom stood up.

"I'm going to get someone." He told her as he turned to the door.

"_No._" Sighing Tom turned and looked at her.

"Sam, you're obviously not well enough to work-"

"Yes I am." She stood up defiantly. "I'm going to work whether you like it or not." Tom knew that he couldn't force her to go home, so he raised his hands in silent defeat.

"Okay, but as soon as you feel a little dizzy you _must _tell me." Tom told her force fully.

"Yeah, okay." Sam said rather distractedly as she pushed passed him to go do some work. However much she didn't want to admit defeat and go home, she knew this would be a long day.

* * *

**I thought I would reward your patience with a long chapter:)**

**You see that button down there?**

**The one that says review?**

**Click it.**

**I dare you...**


	18. Chapter 18

**It has been a while since I updated, so I'm sorry for that but I couldn't do anything to change it.**

**if my maths is right, this fanfic has been posted for 3 weeks exactly today and I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of your support because as little as each review seems, they do keep me writing.**

* * *

****A blanket of white snow had settled across Holby City in the duration of the day. It seemed that in the wake of her painkiller-induced peacefulness had given Sam the inability to plan ahead, which is why she was now trudging down an almost deserted street in the dark and snow, with just a thin jacket and ballet flats. Sam had brought some change for a bus, but in this treacherous driving weather they weren't running.

Sam was barely twenty minutes into her hour-long walk back to her house and she was freezing. When most people use the term freezing they are merely exaggerating the fact that they are could, but in the -6 degrees that was currently Holby City, Sam was so past freezing she couldn't see it anymore. She had hoped that the stretching walk ahead of her would clear her clouded thoughts, but it seemed that the quiet time to herself only gave her head more time to ponder recent events among other things.

A cloud of icy breath streamed out of her mouth as she involuntarily shivered. It felt as if the cold weather had sneaked it's way right into her bones. Sam tried to pull her jacket around herself but it was giving as much protection against the cold as it would a bullet.

The blonde doctor stood still in her tracks, turning fearfully around in circles trying to locate the pair of eyes she could feel burning into her being. What was that noise? A cat? The Wind? Shaking her head at her insecurities she trudged on when a snowball came whizzing towards her. She ducked in time and it exploded as it hit the gnarled tree behind her. Sam walked faster now, getting out of the area as quickly as possible. Something flew into the back of her head, causing her to lose her footing on the uneven ground. She fell to the ground unhurt, but now she was soaking wet and being a doctor, Sam knew that that mixed with these temperatures were not a safe mix at any rate.

Trying to think of anything to take her mind off it, she pulled out her phone as she walked on, knowing that if she kept herself busy the walk would seem a lot quicker. Sam dialled a familiar number, hoping the recipient wasn't driving. Thankfully they answered on the second ring.

"Heyya Sam." Tom's cheery voice brought her out of her dreary mood as she now focused on the conversation instead of the impending walk home.

"Hi Tom. Sorry for calling out of the blue, but I needed something to take my mind off of things." Sam half apologised for her unexpected call.

"Don't worry, It's fine. Where are you?" Tom suddenly asked her as he heard a gust of the icy wind down the phone.

"Just walking." Sam attempted to brush it off lightly.

"Sam it's below freezing how long have you been outside? You should have been more careful considering what happened this morning." Tom didn't mean to sound like a father scolding his child, but he was just trying to look out for her.

"I've only been outside for about half an hour. I'm_ fine._" Sam exaggerated, although she was sure that Tom would see through her blatant lie.

"Sam I can hear your teeth chattering. Where are you, I'm coming to pick you up." After Sam hastily told Tom her exact position, she hung up on the phone and paced between the bench and the bin to keep warm, her hands hugging her sides trying to preserve the much needed body heat.

Sam looked up as she saw Tom's familiar car rounding the corner only minutes later, and when the car stoppedTom had to open the passenger door for her because she couldn't quite convince her numb hands to do it instead. Once Sam was in the car Tom spoke.

"Bloody hell Sam, I could have just given you a lift home!" He exclaimed at the huddled figure sitting next to him. He could see that her lips were almost blue and when he saw another violent shiver course through her body he knew she had to get home and out of her wet clothes quickly. Tom grabbed her seatbelt and buckled her in since he knew her hands weren't capable of it at the minute, before speeding off down the road, but being careful of the ice.

* * *

When the car reached Sam's flat Tom got out of the vehicle, but when Sam didn't follow suite walked around to her side of the car and pulled open the passenger door to reveal a semi-conscious Sam. Tom unbuckled her seatbelt quickly knowing time was of the essence, and picked her up, testing her if the would walk on her own, but half carried her to the front door anyway.

"Come on Sam, I need you to open your eyes for me." Tom pleaded with her almost-out-of-it form, but realising she was almost a dead weight in his arms, he fished in her handbag and shoved her keys into the front door.

He threw her bag to the side and rushed her up the stairs. He laid her on the bed and went into the en suite to turn on the shower, but he didn't put it on very hot because it would feel scalding against her skin. When he rushed back into her room he knew that she would be pissed at the fact that he took her clothes off, but knowing that at least she wouldn't have died of frostbite it would be okay.

The temperature of her house seemed to have woken her up a little and Tom could see her eyelids opening and shutting as she slowly came into consciousness.

"Sam listen to me." Tom paused until he saw her features change as she recognised his voice. "I know you're not going to like this, but I have to do it. I need you to stay awake for me." He peeled the wet jacket from her shoulders and saw that the snow had seeped through to the top underneath and this was also soaking wet. He proceeded to taking off all of her clothes and picked her up and took her in the bathroom. She was now awake enough to stand but he had to hold her up in the shower as she couldn't do it on her own.

Sam shied away from the spray as she mumbled something about it being too hot, but Tom pushed her back under for her own good.

"Come on Sam, you need to warm up a bit." Sam nodded, so Tom hoped she had understood, so he kept her there for a couple more minutes until the cooer began to come back to her skin and her was sure that her temperature was near-enough normal.

Tom turned off the shower and wrapped Sam up into a fluffy blue towel. He hugged her close to his chest.

"Are you feeling better?" Tom mumbled into her wet hair.

"Mmmmhmm" Sam mumbled into his chest.

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**Okay, so I'm not really sure what that chapter was, but it's snowing outside and I was inspired, so shoot me!**

**tell me what you think, it was pretty long this time:)**

**thanks for reading**

**Mae. X**


	19. Chapter 19

**So it seems I didn't need as long to upload this time, I really should be doing coursework because it needs to be done by the day after tomorrow, but I really can't be bothered:)**

**GAHH it's still snowing, why is it still snowing? it seems you're getting another snowy chapter.**

**I really haven't had a chance to thank you individually for your reviews, I get them on my phone and I can't reply on there. And especially thanks to a guest that reviewed a week or two ago, the review really made my week! they reviewed on 1/4/13, so if that was you thank you so much! The stuff you said was unbelievably wonderful and thanks to you, my updates are more often because that really gave me the kick start I needed. :)**

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****Sam sat huddled in a little cocoon of duvets and cushions on her bed while Tom was making tea downstairs. She was under strict orders from Tom not to move until he got back. Sam smiled to herself at Tom's little overprotective ways. It was quite sweet, really.

Sam wiped the smirk off of her face in time for when Tom emerged through the bedroom door carrying two mugs.

"I brought you an extra strong cup of coffee - you need to wake up a bit more." Tom told her, handing her a mug. Sam sipped the coffee and grimaced, handing Tom back the offending liquid.

"It tastes like motor oil." Sam informed him, eyeing the mug in his hands suspiciously.

"I don't care what it tastes like. You have to drink it and get something into your system." Tom replied sternly, handing back the mug. Sam sighed, but when she took one look at Tom she began to drink the coffee hastily.

"Thank you." Tom told her, now looking much more cheerful. Sam scowled.

"I may have listened to you on this occasion, Kent, but I wouldn't get my hopes up - Tomorrow's a new day." Sam told him pointedly.

"Whatever you say." Tom answered her somehow sarcastically. He reached forewords and took her wrist, checking her pulse against the clock on the wall. Sam snatched her arm back stubbornly, sending daggers towards him with her eyes.

"I was just making sure." Tom told her almost sulkily.

"Well you don't need to make sure, I am a doctor too you know." She shot back.

"It wouldn't seem that evident after your little adventure tonight." Tom replied. Sam didn't answer this time and looked down into the bottom of the mug in her hands. When she looked up she had unshed tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Sam told him. He almost didn't hear her. Tom took the mug out of her hands and set it on the bedside table. Then he lifted up the duvet and slid inside, putting his arms protectively around her. She tensed up for a moment, but he held on and she eventually relaxed into his arms.

"Listen to me Sam. You gave me a hell of a scare tonight, but you're fine. You need to stop worrying, because it doesn't matter, not anymore. You don't have anything to be sorry for. I know what I said, but it was an accident, we should just be happy about how things played out and move on. Okay?" He put his index finger under her chin and pulled her head up until she was looking him in the eye. Sam slowly nodded at him. Tom drew her into a hug.

* * *

Sam woke up. Confused, she looked around herself and remembered the night before. Tom had stayed in her bed with her to make sure she was alright but nothing else happened. Sliding out of the bed, she drew her arms around herself in the chilly winter air. After putting on her dressing gown she tiptoed downstairs so she wouldn't wake Tom.

Even though it was early, Sam knew she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep again so she turned the kettle on so she could have some much needed coffee. Turning around in order to get some milk out of the fridge she froze when she heard a noise. Sam shuffled back towards the wall so she couldn't be seen from the hallway and listened again. She stayed this way for several minutes, so when she was sure she didn't hear it again she steeled her nerves and walked out of the room to check if everything was okay.

It was when Sam was spinning around in her living room, sure that something was wrong in there that Tom appeared in the doorway, making her jump.

"Hey, hey, hey. Come here." Tom said calmly, giving her a hug. He could feel her heart beating really fast, and the fear was evident in her face as she kept looking around the room.

"What's wrong?" Tom sounded slightly worried.

"I heard a noise and something's not right." Sam's eyes were still darting around the room, evidently looking for any little thing out of place.

"There's no one here Sam, just you and me." Tom assured her. Nodding and feeling slightly more secure, she stepped away and walked back in the kitchen to finish making the coffee.

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**I know it was a sudden ending, but I want you to vote on what you want to happen in the story.**

**A) There was someone in her house e.g. creepy person, robber, stalker (you get the picture)**

**B) It's all in Sam's head**

**Vote people! It will be one of them, nothing else unless someone goes me a really good suggestion because most fan fictions always end up with a relationship and getting pregnant, then 90% of those pregnancies end in miscarriages, am I right?!**

**So I wanted something that's interesting and a little different that everyone hasn't all read before, so get voting guys! I'll chooses what to do in a couple of days.**

**Mae. x**


	20. Chapter 20

**So this is the second time I've written this chapter. It was about 3000 words but my computer deleted it and now i'm sad:( **

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****Sam sat on the sofa, lost in her thoughts as she watched the flames of the wood burner flicker and spit through the soot covered glass. She was missing something and it was staring her in the face. As her thoughts drifted her eyes wandered up to the mantle piece and she began looking at the photographs of her family, friends and herself...

Wait.

Wheres the one of herself gone?

I haven't moved it have I?

No it was definitely there.

So where is it now?

Everything in her mind suddenly clicked so she grabbed her phone and dialled a now very familiar number. She mentally cursed as it took the recipient a couple of rings to answer.

"Hello?" Tom's casual voice came through the phone.

"Tom?"

"What's wrong?!" He asked, hearing the urgency in his voice.

"I think someone's been in my house." She replied quickly, fear evident in her tone.

"Stay there. I'll be there soon." He said quietly after she explained before clicking off.

* * *

A couple of mites later Sam's pacing of the living room was interrupted as some post came through the letterbox. Needing something mindless such as sorting junk mail to keep her busy before Tom arrived, she stopped, confused as there was only one envelope on the floor.

Picking up the fancy purple envelope, she scanned the front quickly and realised that there wasn't an address on it which means it must have been delivered by hand.

Sam slit open the envelope and her eyes widened in shock as she read through the contents. Tom shouted through the letterbox at her to get her attention as she didn't answer when he knocked on the front door. When Sam had opened it she stood there not saying anything, her yes focused on the paper in her hands. Walking round her and shutting the door, Tom leaned over her shoulder and read what it said.

_My Darling Alice,_

_You shouldn't have run away like that. You knew it was only a matter of time before I found you._

_Did you notice the missing picture? That was me, just checking it was definitely you. _

_I saw the man that you keep seeing. The tall one with the brown hair. How could you do this to me Alice? You belong to me and no one else._

_You deserve to be punished for leaving. I'm the only one who gets to decide when we're done, not you. Don't even bother phoning the police or it'll just make it more painful in the long run._

_See you soon, my love._

__Tom stood shocked behind her. Sam said nothing. Sam's legs gave out in shock and she was thankful when Tom caught her, leading her over to the sofa. She didn't even know she was crying until Tom reached up to wipe a stray tear away from her cheek.

"What am I going to do?! We can't phone the police." Sam had fear etched over her whole face.

"I think the most important thing to ask is who is Alice?" Tom wondered aloud.

"Maybe he thinks I'm her. He knows what I look like, he has my photo for christ sake!" She stopped when Tom's phone started ringing.

"Shit. It's Zoe." Tom said as he looked at the caller ID.

"Hello... Sorry, something important came up...I know... What is so important?" Sam shook her head fiercely, telling him not to tell Zoe what was going on. "Sorry I can't tell you... Yes... I understand..." Tom said before he hung up. "Sam you're going to have to come with me to the ED." He decided, not wanting her to stay here on her own.

"Nope. Now way. I'll lock the doors and windows, but I'm not going outside." Sam glared at him defiantly. Knowing that he wasn't going to change her mind, Tom stood up and went to the door.

"Don't g anywhere until I get back. Okay?!" Seeing her slight nod he let himself out and Sam locked the door behind him.

* * *

After sitting on the sofa in her own thoughts she was suddenly shaken out of them as someone banged on her front door, making her jump. Sam froze, her eyes locked on the doorway.

"Alice! Open the door, I know you're in there!" An angry voice shouted. Sam made no attempt to do what he said. "Unlock the door right now or I'll go find your friend, and I'll be sure to tell him it's your fault!" This spurred her into movement, and with shaking hands she put the key in the lock. Sam had barely even unlocked the door before in swung back viciously on it's hinges, knocking her out of the way.

Before she had a chance to react, a man stormed through the door and locked it behind himself.

"Alice." He said, neither stating or questioning. Shaken out of her head, Sam answered.

"I...I'm not Alice. M...My names Sam." Before Sam had barely finish her sentence, he had grabbed her neck and shoved her against the wall.

"Don't lie to me. Got it?" Sam nodded quickly as her lungs started burning and her vision went black around the edges.

"Good." He dropped her to the ground as she gasped for breath. "I'm glad we understand each other.

* * *

**Honestly, I'm quite disappointed with this chapter after the monster one that I wrote that got deleted because I had to shorten this one to get it up in time.**

**I know lots of you wanted Dylan to be the stalker, but he will come into the story later on I swear.**

**Let me know what you think and I'll update tomorrow if I get at least 5 reviews, so keep reviewing!**

**Mae. x**


	21. Chapter 21

**So I did get enough reviews to update today; I really should be doing coursework, but I'm trying to trick myself that this is far more important so I must update first=)**

**katielou1701: Thanks for the reviews! haha by 5 that's not exactly what I meant, but it worked, so hey! I'm glad that you enjoy this fic so much, reviews like yours are the ones that motivate me to keep writing especially when I have writers block...;)**

**I'm only 11 reviews away from 100! I know I say this a lot but I can't even begin to fathom all of the positive feedback on my fist story.**

**Thankyou so much!xxxxxxxx**

* * *

****The stranger had let her on the floor getting her breath back. Sam knew that she couldn't stay on the floor whilst he was rampaging around her house so she slowly stood up, pushing her weight against the wall for support. As she rounded the corner into the living room she saw her mobile laying on the sofa where she'd abandoned it earlier. Scooping it up quickly she dialled Tom's number but before he had answered the man strode into the room and Sam stood there in shock, not knowing what he was going to do or how he was going to react.

"Alice what are you doing?" he hissed angrily at her. Sam's eyes portrayed the fear he was feeling for just a second before she brought her mask down and realised that she was going to have to play along, although she was hoping that Tom could hear what was happening over the phone.

"Oh, nothing." Sam tried to cover it up, but by the fury in his eyes she could see that he wasn't taking the situation lightly. He grabbed the phone in one swift motion and threw it to the side, however unbeknownst to him the call didn't cut off so Tom could hear everything that was happening.

The man stepped forwards so he was towering over Sam and grabbed her wrist so she couldn't get away from him. When she struggled slightly he tightened his grip so Sam stopped.

"I told you already. You're going to pay for leaving me so don't expect to slip your way through my grasp again." He spat every syllable in her face to emphasise his point and pushed her down onto the floor.

Sam knew she needed to get away, however her army training was abandoned as one look at her attacker sent such a shiver of fear down her spine that she couldn't get her body to obey the commands her brain was sending. Although soon survival instinct kicked in so she began to draw her knees up to her chest and attempted to crawl backwards, but he grabbed the lamp on the table beside him and clubbed her round the head. It wasn't enough to knock her out, but is was certainly enough to daze her.

Sam saw his big boot coming towards her but her pounding head didn't register it quickly enough until she felt a sharp kick in the ribs. In her woozy state all she could do was curl up on the ground as blow after blow hit her small frame. The abuse stopped for a few seconds and Sam hoped it was over, but he grabbed her arms and held them above her head. As he straddled her waist Sam knew what he was about to do, but was too weak to fight back and stop it. Just as he was reaching down to undoubtably unbutton her trousers he froze as he heard a car outside.

"I'll be back, Alice. Don't you worry about that." He whispered in her ear and jumped off of her running into the back of the house, just as someone began banging on the front door, trying to get it to open. Sam lay there on the floor, her body was aching too much to move, but she heard the smashing of glass as Tom broke through the window on the front door and opened it by sticking his hand through on the inside.

"Sam!" Tom shouted as he ran over and sat on his knees beside her, grabbing both of her hands and holding them in his. "If you can hear me can you squeeze my hand? Well done." Sam managed to open her eyes and groaned.

"So...Tired..." She muttered almost incoherently as her eyes began to close again.

"No Sam! I need you to stay awake for me until the paramedics get here." He told her - He'd told Zoe to send them to her house just as he left the ED.

"Urghhh!" She grumbled at him, but he smiled at her; if she was annoyed she was awake. They only needed to wait a minute or two before the ambulance arrived.

"Ambulance service!" Dixie's familiar voice sounded throughout the house as she walked through the front door.

"Dixie, in here!" Tom called to her and Jeff and they quickly made their way into the living room.

"Tom, what happened?" Dixie rounded on her as soon as she saw Sam laying there while Jeff went back to the ambulance to get a spinal board seeing her position on the floor.

"She's been attacked by an unknown person, she called me while it happened so I got Zoe to call the ambulance." Dixie's face was shocked for a second, but then her training kicked in and she read off Sam's stats to Jeff and they got her on the spinal board and into the ambulance.

* * *

"Sam I'm just going to put an oxygen mask on." Dixie told her, as her and Tom were worried that a broken rib may have punctured a lung. Sam just let her put it on because she couldn't find the strength within herself to argue.

Tom sighed in relief as they finally reached the ED and Dixie reeled off Sam's stats as she was wheeled into resus. Zoe was in in charge of Sam's treatment so she shined a light in Sam's eyes to check her pupils. Satisfied she began talking to Sam.

"Sam, hunny, does anywhere hurt in particular?" Zoe leaned over her as she spoke so she was in Sam's line of sight.

"Mm... My ribs and m...my head." Sam mumbled after lifting off the oxygen mask. Zoe turned around to Tess.

"Order a spinal CT and a chest x-ray." She ordered and Tess nodded before heading towards the phone. Zoe turned back to Sam.

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked her, worried because she could see that Sam's trousers were partly undone.

"A... a man...In my house... he kept calling me Alice... he strangled me... then hit me on the head and... kicked my ribs." Sam winced as talking made her ribs hurt. Zoe place a hand on Sam's arm.

"Okay, rest now and you can go up for your CT, okay?" Sam nodded.

"Where's Tom?" She suddenly said, looking around frantically.

"Calm down, he'd just outside. I'll send him in." Zoe gave Sam one last sympathetic look then walked out of the room. Now that she was alone a single tear trickled down her cheek.

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**How was that?=)**

**Took me forever to write, I do have a couple of ideas for future chapters, but nothing major atm, so get reviewing and tell me what you think should happen and the best idea will get it!**

**Mae x**


	22. Chapter 22

**sorry its almost been a week, but I'm writing a story for school and my muse has decided to move it's ass to that story instead. Apologies!**

**It's quite creepy how in that story the main character is called Alice and I didn't even realise it's relevance to this story until now, but you know what they say: There's no such thing as coincidences.**

**I'm not sure how long this chapter will be because I'm trying to get it done before casualty starts, so we'll see:L**

* * *

Zoe sighed as she ran her fingers through her raven coloured hair. She was looking at Sam's results, and although it seems that she was not sexually assaulted and her head CT was clear, it was apparent that Sam was going to be in a lot of discomfort for a while.

"Zoe," A voice from behind her spoke. Turning around she came face to face with an exhausted and extremely worried looking Tom, "How bad is it?"

"The good news is that although the man hit her round the head with a a lamp, luckily she doesn't have a concussion." Zoe paused.

"And the bad news?" Tom pushed.

"It seems that Sam has heavy bruising to the chest and abdomen, three broken ribs - one cracked - and extensive bruising to the neck, wrists and upper thighs." Zoe finished downcast.

"Was she-"

"No. It seems you got there just in time. Her trousers were undone, but if you had been there a couple of minutes later it seems it could have been much, much worse." Even though this news was of great relief to Tom, he was still incredibly aware of what Sam had been exposed to, and if he'd just explained to Zoe why he couldn't have come to work, Sam wouldn't be in this precarious position now.

"Go and see her Tom." Zoe finished before walking away.

* * *

Tom entered the room timidly. Sam was no longer in resus, so they had moved her to the side room for some privacy. She was still asleep due to the trauma her body had been through, so Tom pulled up a chair and held her hand. _Waiting._

* * *

It was dark. Sam didn't know where she was or how long she'd been there. All she knew was that she had a feeling of complete weightlessness and that was all there was contained in the darkness. Slowly the darkness began to draw back and her head felt less fuzzy, soon replaced by a throbbing pain radiating from most of her body.

Slowly Sam was more aware of her surroundings. Steady beeping was working it's way into her unconscious. A warm weight was felt on her hand. Suddenly it came back to her.

The man.

Who was he?

He said he'd be back.

_Who's Alice?_

A heavy moan escaped her lips as she fought the unconsciousness. Someone was talking to her but it was muffled so she couldn't make it out. Tom? Sam forced her eyes open and winced at the bright hospital lights.

"Tom.." She slurred.

"Sam." Tom replied urgently, his voice giving her that last push to fully wake. She tried to move, but something close to a scream escaped from her lips as the pain escalated into something she'd never experienced before.

"Don't try and move," Tom told her, "Can you remember what happened?"

"He knocked on my door and was calling me Alice. He threatened you so I had to talk to him. Then he pinned me against the wall and I couldn't breathe... He went somewhere else and I got my phone and called you. Then he... ermm... He kit me on the head with the lamp and started kicking me. I couldn't get away. Then he sat on me and held my hands above my head and started undoing my trousers. I should have tried harder to stop him." Her voice cracked as the tears started falling while she told the story she had given Zoe earlier in more detail. Was it earlier? Was it yesterday? How long have I been out? So many unanswered questions revolved around her head.

Tom rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"You couldn't have done anything to stop him. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" He finally got a hesitant nod from Sam.

"What are my injuries?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Broken and cracked ribs, and bruising to the chest, abdomen, neck, wrists and upper thighs. You also had a pretty nasty knock to the head."

"Not much then?" Sam joked halfheartedly in the heavy situation, then sighed.

* * *

"Alright Sam?" Zoe asked her after walking into the room.

"Yeah..." She replied hesitantly whilst seeking comfort in Tom's presence beside her.

"Good. I'm just going to check the bruising on your abdomen." Zoe told her, stepping up to the bed. She pretended to not notice the tear fall down Sam's cheek. Zoe gently peeled back Sam's hospital gown. Her and Tom both looked shock at the extent of the black and blue bruises scattered over her body. _Who could do this to Sam? _

"Okay. We're going to keep you in for a bit of observation, but in a day or two you'll be able to go home. The bruising on your body is going to be incredibly painful for a week or two and because of your other injuries and the pain medication we will be required to give you, you won't be able to be at home on your own incase something happens. I trust you can sort that out?" Zoe looked up at Tom, who nodded. "Get well soon, Sam." Zoe finished and retreated out of the room.

* * *

"Tom?"

"Yes?

"He said he'd be back."

* * *

**Was it worth the wait?**

**I'm 5 reviews away from the magic number! (100) :)**

**Who else was confused by the scene at the bar on Casualty tonight? I take it they're not together?**

**haha someone's jealous...**

**TTYL.**

**Mae. x**


	23. Chapter 23

**So because of that I decided to update a little earlier than normal.**

**I know I keep saying this, but I really can't stress how much your reviews inspire me! I know I don't reply to every single one but I appreciate them all the same:)**

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****Sam was left on her own for a bit while Tom went home to get her some clothes and toiletries. Although she appreciated the comfort Tom brought to her, she was still relieved to have some time to do some thinking.

People always spoke about the distinctive fight or flight response that people have when faced with a stressful situation. In all fairness, Sam believed that after what happened hours earlier that there were three responses. Fight. Flight. **Freeze. **Because that was exactly what she had done. She didn't run away, nor did her army training kick in and she fought back. No. She sat there and took it. Why? _Because she was too damn scared._

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__Tom made his way back into the ED after retrieving some of Sam's possessions that she would require whilst in the hospital. In all truth, Tom was terrified that the man that had hurt Sam would come to take his _Alice._ Tom wanted to call the police, he really did. But Sam was too stubborn for her one good. She didn't see it as opening herself up to be helped by the police or anyone that she told or got involved, Sam saw it as being weak. She didn't want to expose herself to any more threats that could hurt her again.

As Tom walked back into Sam's room he noticed that Zoe never moved too far away from Sam's room; she could always see the door. Zoe was in a protective stance at the ready so she could get to Sam as quickly as possible should anything happen. Inside the room, Tom placed the bag he was carrying down beside Sam's bed and studied her face.

She was asleep. Her face was pulled into a frown even in her unconscious state and her eyes were moving behind her eyelids.

_Come on, Sam. Let me in._

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**I wanted to give you an insight into other characters minds. **

**In all honesty this story could go one of two ways and I want you to vote once again:**

**A) This story could be entirely realistic as to what would happen when someone was in this situation and how they would come back down from it.**

**OR.**

**B) VERY dramatic and probably not very realistic but a very touch-and-go storyline with lots of drama.**

**PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE VOTE! **

**Lets get me to 110 reviews by the next chapter? Then I'll give you the results.**

**Mae. :) x**


	24. Chapter 24

**SEEE i told you i'd update when i got 110 reviews!:)**

**The replies to the question that I asked in the last chapter were all very mixed, and each and every one of you had a valid point for choosing that option, so that has brought me to the decision that it will be dramatic, but also realistic about Sam's thoughts and feelings at the same time.**

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_Sam felt a heavy weight on her middle and a sadistic laugh rang out around her, but it was dark. Sam tried to struggle under his grip, but she couldn't move while he sat there and violated her. _

_"Sam." He mocked her so she struggled even more, but it was no use as she felt him grab her wrists and pin them down._

"Sam, it's me, Tom. Wake up honey, you're having a dream." Tom tried to console the woman and held her hands as she tried to lash out at him. Sam's eyes opened suddenly and Tom could see the pain and fear etched deeply into her features as she looked around at the hospital room disbelievingly, only just becoming aware that she wasn't back in her living room with _him._

Tom released his strong grip on her hands as he felt the tension leave her body, however the heart rate monitor betrayed how erratically her heart was beating in her heavily bruised chest.

"It's okay, I'm here." He whispered, stroking her hand.

"It was so real." Sam sighed, resting her head back on the pillow and closing her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tom gently pushed her, but she shook her head, almost as if to shake herself out of it and breathed deeply.

"No. I'm fine." Saying those words more for her benefit than Tom's.


	25. Chapter 25

**Sorry for not updating! **

**Lets skip the formalities and get tot he story.**

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Sam slowly woke from her unconscious state and just lay there for a minute with her eyes closed. Everything was silent around her, so it must be night time and quiet on the ward. She opened her eyes slowly and blinked a couple of times to adjust her eyes to the darkness of the room. Sam tried to shift in her bed to turn on the bedside lamp, but had to stop when her ribs protested. Her painkillers must have worn off a while ago, but she wasn't going to bother a nurse with it - they were far too busy. After looking at the clock, which read 4AM, Sam decided to try and feet back to sleep, so she shut her eyes and slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

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Dr Zoe Hanna walked into her office and placed her bad and coat on her desk, then put her stethoscope around her neck. First she would check on Sam. Zoe smiled as she opened the door to Sam's room.

"Hi Sam." She said softly, not knowing how the young doctor was feeling.

"Hey Zoe." Sam replied, half smiling.

"I need you to take a couple of deep breaths to prevent you from getting an infection in the bottom of your lungs." Zoe informed her even though Sam knew this. "Do you need any more painkillers?" Zoe asked her.

"No, I'm fine." Sam said, but received a stern look from Zoe when she winced as she moved position.

"Sam." Zoe prompted.

"Okay, my ribs are a little sore." Sam admitted, looking down at her hands as if ashamed by this.

"Sam, admitting that it hurts doesn't make you any less strong than you are, okay?" Zoe asked her, taking one of her hands and rubbing it with the pad of her thumb and Sam nodded reluctantly.

"Okay." Zoe smiled.

"Good." Just as Sam finished her breathing exercises Tess walked into the room with a bunch of yellow roses.

"Sam, someone dropped these off at reception for you. They're very nice!" She said cheerfully, placing them in a vase on the bedside table. Sam gingerly reached out and took the card.

"Who are they from?" Zoe asked with a smile as she helped Tess to tuck Sam's sheets more tightly around her body. Sam's body tensed and she dropped the card, still staring in shock at the place it was moments ago.

"Sam?" Tess asked.

"Sam!" Zoe tried to get her attention, but a tear rolled down the blonde doctor's cheek.

"I'll go call Tom." Tess said as she raced out of the room.

"Come here." Zoe said comfortingly as she pulled Sam into a hug, but frowned when she saw who the card was addressed to.

_Who's Alice?_

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**Oooh cliffhanger. Duhh-Duhh-Duh-Duuuuhhh.**

**Sorry 'bout that;)**

**Mae x**


	26. Chapter 26

**Here we are Minxheart!:)**

**I suddenly lost the will to live whilst doing my coursework, so here we are!**

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Regrets

Although it seemed Sam had come out of her shocked state, she still hadn't said a word to Zoe about the flowers, so the doctor sat with her on the bed waiting for Tom to arrive. Whilst Zoe was gently rubbing circles into Sam's back to keep her calm she studied the young doctor's face. Apart from the obvious bruising her face looked almost hollowed and sunken as if she hadn't been getting much sleep and the usual bright spark in her blue eyes had faded.

"Sam?" Zoe asked tentatively. She didn't answer, but the woman looked up to her to show she was listening.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly, but the blonde shook her head sadly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"You need to talk about things. If you don't they'll just eat you up inside. You need to share them to move on." Sam didn't say anything for a moment, but finally opened her mouth.

"I'm not her." She said, wincing as she shifted slightly in the bed.

"You're not who?" Zoe pushed gently as if talking to a child.

"He has the wrong person. He got it wrong." Zoe's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Who, Sam? The person that did this to you?" She gestured to Sam's body in explanation and received a nod and continued.

"My name's Sam. Samantha Nicholls. But he didn't listen to me tell him. He kept calling me his Alice. I'm not Alice. I'm Sam." Zoe shushed her, realizing that she was talking in circles.

"It's okay, it's okay." Zoe spoke comfortingly and rocked the younger woman's body from side to side.

"Where's Tom?" Sam looked up to her, eyes wide.

"I'm not sure. Do you want me to go have a look?" At Sam's nod she proceeded out of the door, first checking in the staffroom. He was standing by his locker; he'd obviously only just arrived.

"Tom? Sam wants you and she's a little panicked." Zoe informed him.

"Why? What's wrong? Tess told me to come in, but wouldn't tell me why over the phone."

"I'm not really sure I understand it myself, but Sam got some flowers with a little note. When she read it she was really upset about it because…" She slowed, not really sure how to word it.

"Because?" Tom prompted, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Because Tess was told to had the flowers to the person in Sam's room, but they were addressed to someone called Alice." Zoe finished and Tom's eyes widened in shock and he ran out of the room.

"Tom?" Zoe shouted after him, though he was long gone.

Tom raced into Sam's room, but slowed dramatically as his brash entrance seemed to surprise her somewhat.

"Sorry," Tom apologized before walking up to her bedside, "Come here." He said as he pulled her into a soft hug, minding her abused ribs.

Sam's fragile body shook in his arms as she let out her sobs. Why was he targeting her? Was this God punishing her for how she treated Dylan? She hoped not, because if he was she deserved every last drop of it.

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**please please please review!**

**I'll update again this weekend if I get to 120?;)**

**Mae x**


	27. Chapter 27

**REALLYREALLYREALLYREALLYREAL LY SORRY! I had sooo much revision and coursework to do it was unbelievable and then I didn't have any internet at the weekend:( I was going to update my other fanfic first, but decided that you deserved an update after the long wait.**

**Enjoy!**

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Tom stood in the reception area talking to one of the policemen about Sam's case. Although he wouldn't admit it to Sam because he didn't want to distress her any further, he was incredibly worried about the situation for Sam's physical and mental health alike. After talking to the detective it was apparent that down to Sam's description of the man that attacked her and the man that was on the hospital security that he had gotten someone else to deliver the flowers so he couldn't be traced that way.

"Can't you just ask the delivery person who got them to deliver the flowers?" Tom asked the policeman, who shook his head.

"No, they were obviously aware of the positioning of the CCTV and kept their face hidden from view of it at all times and walked onto the scene so we have no vehicle to trace or any indication of what direction they were travelling in." The detective told him somewhat regrettably.

"So you don't have any idea who either of these men are?" Tom demanded, frustrated at the situation, however his anger had nothing to be directed to apart from the man in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but we're doing the best that we can." The detective nodded sincerely but Tom wasn't convinced.

"So we just have to wait until he attacks her again?" Tom asked louder. By now many of the hospital staff were listening to the heated discussion.

"As I said, we're doing our best." The man confirmed before walking away, indicating to Tom that their discussion was very much over.

Tom sighed in frustration and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He looked up suddenly at the shocked faces of the staff in reception.

"Don't all of you have work to be getting on with?!" Tom all but shouted and the room was a flurry of movement as everyone scattered, flustered at the doctor's forwardness. Zoe stepped forwards and laid a comforting had on his forearm.

"You heard them, Tom. They're doing their very best. The most we can do now is be there for Sam and support her." Tom's head dropped in defeat.

"You're right." He agreed.

"Now, why don't you go grab a coffee from the staff room and take a seat in Sam's room? She woke up a few minutes ago." Zoe informed him with a slight smile and a pat on the shoulder before walking away.

_What am I going to tell her?_

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**SORRYYYY cliffhanger!:)**

**can anyone guess what's going to happen next? **

**PM or review your thoughts.**

**Mae x**


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